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2 days ago · SÃO PAULO—In an effort to rectify the misunderstanding between the young girl, the girls’ parents, and herself, pop star Chappell Roan kidnapped the 11-year-old
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2 days ago · Onion News Network American Baked Potato Association Study Finds It Best To Load ’Er Up Like A Vitamin You Ingest With Your Eyes. Get The Onion Newsletter.
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4 days ago · Like A Vitamin You Ingest With Your Eyes. Get The Onion Newsletter.
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15 hours ago · Gas prices are soaring, with the price of crude oil rising above $119 per barrel at one point Thursday. The Onion shares tips for saving…
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1 day ago · A bill to ban marriage between first cousins failed to pass in the Florida Senate, allowing the state to remain one of more than a…
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4 days ago · Local Beautiful Dream About Blowing Own Brains Out Interrupted By Work Alarm Become A Member Of The Last Functioning Part Of Our Democracy. Join The Onion Today
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1 day ago · Entertainment The Onion’s 2026 Oscars Best Picture Guide The 98th Academy Awards will take place March 15 at the Dolby Theater. The Onion examines the 10 contenders
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Jul 2, 2007 · Officials confirm that all online data has been lost after the Internet crashed and was forced to restart.
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3 days ago · Politics Political Profile: James Talarico James Talarico is the Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate in Texas. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the r